Pants on Fire

I'm not a seafood lover, but I make an exception for Red Lobster because of those yummy, cheesy biscuits. I say, "an exception," but really, I still don't eat sea food. I have pasta. Anyway, I go along with my husband to the sea food restaurant because I LOVE those cheesy, garlicy, crispy-on-the-outside, fluffy-on-the-inside balls of buttery perfection.
It was one of those exceptional evenings and I just had to have one. It was around the time when the whole "GM buy out" was everywhere. We were sitting at our table and I just kept waiting and waiting for these biscuits to come. "Why don't we have the biscuits?..." We had our drinks...and menus. No cheesy yummies. I was getting impatient. "They must've forgotten."
Rodney kept saying, "They don't have 'em anymore."
"Whatever. Yes, they do."
"They really don't. I swear. It was on the news. The recession has caused all the restaurants to cut their budgets."
"Shut up, Rodney. You're lying." He always does that. He makes up lies to rile me up and he keeps on with them for the longest time. You can never believe a story of his. Sometimes it's the next day or a few days later when he remembers to tell me he was "kidding."
"Look around. Do you see anyone with biscuits?"
"No..."
"They don't have 'em anymore."
"Oh...my...gosh.... I will never come here again. I can't believe they would cut the one thing that everyone loves!" Flabbergasted.
and then our waitress brought them out and he thought it was so funny.
Why do I let him get me??

Sit Down, Please.

My dad always says he doesn't like being spoken to in the mornings. I always thought that was so mean of him. That's usually when I feel the most energy for expression because I have been sleeping, alone with my thoughts for at least 8 hours. Now, I'm ready to get my mouth motor running. He doesn't like to be bothered with all of my thoughts and feelings before he has had time to process his own. I understand that now more than ever.  My students are my payback for all of that verbal garbage I dumped on my dad all of those mornings...and that I may still be guilty of to this day with my husband.

Some students come in and want to tell me all about everything or bombard me with questions about the day or yesterday. I'm not ready to confront all of their issues right away. I need to think to myself, think about what I'm going to talk about in class that day, think about what's ahead and where we are.

Before class, I do not like being approached. Unfortunately, this is when most of them want to appoach me.  Why is it that students all feel that this is prime time to approach me with things like:

"I wasn't here for the last few days. What did we do?" or my favorite, "Did we do anything?"
"I will be gone on such and such days."
"Is this done correctly?" "I'm confused about..."
"Is it too late to turn this in?"
"What are we going to be doing in class today?"
or some long personal story that explains why they were gone.

Then, there is that person who comes in after I have begun, stands there at my desk, interrupts me, and gives me a little tidbit about their issue. Even if they're saying, "I'm so sorry I was late," (which is weird.... Are you so sorry you're interrupting, too?) I don't want to hear it. Sit down, please.
Why don't they wait until after class?  I don't want to have a discussion with them in front of the whole class, while they are all at full attention. Everyone is waiting patiently for class to begin. I'm sure they all have thoughts that they could say out loud but don't. Each person has a personal issue or maybe an absence that bothered them. Not everyone knows exactly what's going on immediately when they walk in, but they sit there and they wait. But here this person is, wanting to discuss a little matter right at the head of the classroom like it's top priority. Now, I don't expect people to know that I hate this. I feel mean even writing this. I can understand their point of view.
But still...
Everytime someone gets out of their seat and walks toward the desk in those few minutes before class starts, I don't look at them until I have to. I am hoping they are just going to the bathroom or sharpening their pencil. I don't want to be approached right now, peeps. Maybe it's just a personal preference of mine. I'm sure it's perfectly normal to want to talk to your instructor about something before class. But I hate it. Sit down, please. I will talk to you after class or in office hours. Many of your questions and concerns will be addressed in the day's discussion if you'll just wait. Your absence, late work, personal problem is not important to me right now in this moment. I'm sorry. I will care about it later. But right now, I am occupied with teaching, with thinking and preparing. *Sigh* but I will continue about my polite way of answering when I can, ushering them with a quick guesture and a smile to their seat, a nice little, "hold on a minute and I'll explain that to all of you," until the end of time. Smile. Deep breath. I do love students. I really do.

The Law of Unattraction

People are not exactly pushing and shoving their way to the front of the line to become teachers.

Why is that?

People tell children that teachers are poor. Actually, I believe the "people" saying this most often are the teachers themselves. Maybe we just like to joke about money. It is said that the ability to laugh at ourselves is a good thing. We shouldn't take ourselves too seriously, of course. Maybe it's a modesty thing or an insecurity thing. Maybe we want to beat people to the punch. It is a well-known fact that teachers do not make a lot of money. Then, there is that romantic idea that money is not important to us...that we are above the all mighty dollar and we will not sell out.

If you ask a student what he wants to be, likely he will name some highly paid profession. No student says, "I want to be a ditch digger." And it's the minority who says, "I want to be a teacher." Students who feel they have a lot to offer, who work hard for their honored status in highschool and college want to be compensated accordingly, to be given that honored status in real life, respect and, let's be honest, Money.  Teachers do not get either of these in the eyes of their professional peers.

This is the root of America's education crisis.

Obviously, until we place more value on the career of education, we will continue to have discounted results. "You get what you pay for," right?  Okay, this old soap box is crumbling under my feet, so I guess we need to find a newer, stronger and higher pedestal than a soap box. If only there were room in the budget....;)

I'm sure you've heard the expression, "Those who cannot do, teach," and other variations like, "Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, teach gym."  Haha, right?

Why do we patronize our educators? We know that these are the people responsible in large part for the success or failure of our children. Maybe we just like to have someone else to blame for the latter. We prize education, but not educators. But wait a minute...is it really just other people patronizing us? Or are we also patronizing ourselves? We seem to be throwing ourselves under the bus too often. Maybe if we stop degrading ourselves in the minds of children and the general public, but most of all, ourselves, we would inspire more respect and compensation.

Having said all of this, I should be clear about some things. I do not feel strain on my family budet. I am eating three squares a day. So far, my husband and I support ourselves and our children without worry about the wolf at the door. He doesn't need to come huff and puff and blow our house down. We are on good terms with The Big Bad Wolf. Another very important thing: I enjoy my job for the most part. It makes me feel good to be part of so many students' educational journey.

I didn't know what I wanted to be when I was in school. I knew I did not want to be a teacher. First of all, it was because of the money. I thought I needed lots and lots of money. When you're very young, you don't really understand money or how much you will need. You just know that life on your own sounds pretty scary and you know you need a lot more money than you have...which is none.

I didn't want to be a teacher most of all because I was afraid. I was afraid of public speaking. I was afraid of being looked at. I was afraid of being judged, talked about or hated by students. I was afraid of not knowing everything. Don't teachers have to know everything?

When I was offered a graduate teaching position, I felt myself cringe. My mind took me immediately back to kindergarten when I crumbled under the pressure of all of those beady eyes as I stood at the podium in full costume with my book report. I cried for my dad and he walked to the front of the auditorium and carried me out of the public library.  I thought about the offer that night and I knew I could not be that kindergartener again. I couldn't live with myself. I had to face my fear. One of my professors, Dr. Winn, said something to ease my tension: "Don't let those little bastards scare ya. You know more than they do." But another professor, Dr. Wilcox, said something to renew my fears: "You have about 15 minutes to convince them before the pack attacks." Great.

I was horrible at first.  I hate thinking about those first few years of teaching.

But I got better. Now, I love those first 15 minutes. I don't see them as a pack of wolves. I see them as people who need some tools that I possess. I got whatcha need! :)


Whatever you fear might just be exactly what you need.

That's the law of unattraction.