I Collect Sentences

Below are sentences taken from students at the college where I teach composition. It is a collection of sentences, either spoken or written, that have made me laugh or provided me some mild amusement for one reason or another.

"The culture is vastly different in India. For example, they wake up at the butt crack of dawn every day." 
--Essay

"While being sexually abused is a nightmare for some, for others it could be a dream come true."-- Essay

"I need to make up my essay."
"Which one?"
"All of them."  --The week before finals

"People should be grateful for what they have even if they are crippled. They should just limp along and be happy." --Discussion comment

"I'm L.D."--side note on essay

"Healthy food is too expensive. It seems like the poor have little choice but to eat junk food and live a life of obesity." --essay

"In my opinion, spider webs are annoying and serve no purpose." --essay

"Over time, I have come to discover that there are many animals out there."--essay

"At the end of a page, I think I'll make a little arrow in case Mrs. Garland doesn't know she needs to turn the page."-- apparent thoughts of quite a few

"my crazy heck tick life..." --essay

"I also like how important the brain is to psychology." --essay

"Not everyone can be patient with creating food and find it a waste of time." --essay

"Knee surgeries are not as fun as they look." --essay

"Bravery takes a little bit of courage." --essay

"Typically, there are very stupid people in the world today." --essay

"Beauty should not be taken to an extreme." --essay

"Parents often dread the day they are put into a nursing home or become completely dependent on their grown child or caregiver." --first sentence of an essay

So Graded: And I'm the One That Graded You!

I think I might be one of those people who is easily annoyed. I try to be patient. I try not to be jaded. For me as an instructor, one of the biggest annoyances is being asked when essays will be graded. I mean, I totally get that students want and need to know their grades. Trust me; I'm on it. I am grading my head off. Maybe that's why it gets on my nerves so much. Here I am, grading away and someone asks, "Have you graded our essays yet?" It feels like a slap in the face of your servant to me. It's like saying "chop-chop" to your waitress. It's like asking your lawn boy in 110 degree heat if it's hot enough for him. Or one of those annoying kids in the back seat saying, "Are we there yet?" over and over. I used to give my best prediction: "I usually try to give myself a week from the due date." or I'd say, "No, I'm working on it," but the more and more times I'm asked, the less and less politely I feel like answering. I know for that person it's the only time they've asked. But for me it's the millionth. It's probably my favorite when they ask on the very next day, "When will we know what we made on the essay?" I say, in the most polite voice I can muster, "When I get them graded." or "I'll be sure and let you know as soon as they're graded." but I feel like saying--"Shut it." The Austin Powers scene comes to mind when Dr. Evil simply does not allow the words to come out of his son's mouth: "Shh! Shh! Shh! Let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh!" Maybe I could get by with ignoring the question all together. I'll just stare through the person and continue as if I never heard it. I'll let you know how that goes over.

Repeat Offender

I watch movies over and over. Not in a row...just if theyre ever on. I have seen Pretty in Pink and Cant Buy me Love so many times. It's almost like I can't help it. I must watch the movie that I know. And I usually still laugh at the funny parts and cry at the sad parts. Working Girl. Ghost. Uncle Buck. Wizard of Oz, Pretty Woman, Steel Magnolias. The list goes on and on--there's a million. What does this say about me? That is a type, don't you think? The type that watches movies over and over. Then there is that type that will only watch the movie once. "We've seen this."  It's the biggest waste of time they've ever heard. "Hurry, change the channel before we lose another second of our lives."
Could being a movie repeater mean that I'm a sentimental person? I dont know. I'm kinda thinking OCD. Part of me does relate the movies to certain eras of my life, but another part of me just needs to get the fix. Something about the movies that I know really well...maybe it's less concentration for me. I can half watch, or notice new things. Maybe I'm just lazy. I think I just like to know what is coming. Maybe it represents some kind of insecurity, a need for control or familiarity. Hmm.  I dont like thinking that. I'd rather think I have a disorder of some kind. ;)
I really do think I have some level of OCD though. I do some strange things. For instance, since I pretty much have to tell you now, unless I want to just delete all this nonsense. Anyway! If I am knocking on your door, or hammering a nail, or taking the stairs, or giving the dog a little pat, I am counting. Yes, Im a counter. I like 7. When things end on seven, I get this little satisfied feeling. Sometimes when I'm passing out handouts in class, I pass out 7 even though there are only 5 people in the row. It's just better. I dont have to think about it. My fingers just flick 7 pages. A bit more weird, on the highway, if I'm in the right zone, my fingers must tap out the lines on the road. I don't count.  But Im taking note of each one. Bam, bam, bam, accounted for. It gets complicated and the spell is broken when I get into multiple lanes... or if a good song comes on. It's not like I have to stare at the lines. You see them, don't you? I watch what Im doing. Im really a normal person. Really.